Tag Archives: Television

So, Charlie Sheen Has Lost His Mind…WIN!

7 Mar
Charlie Sheen in March 2009

Image via Wikipedia

He really has lost touch.

You should all watch/listen to this:

Today, Charlie Sheen was finally let go from the hit show Two and a Half Men.

It’s a great show, and I hope they do not try to replace Sheen because it will not work.

But how messed up is Sheen really?

To me, the ultimate test if Sheen is still sane is: if he refers to his terminated contract for Two and a Half Men as a “win“.

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Doesn’t he look kind of like Beavis from Beavis and Butthead though?

Obviously the hair color is different, but aside from that…I’m sure Sheen would admit to being a raging “bunghole” at times…maybe even a “cornholio”.

(All those were legit quotes from Sheen, by the way)

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I mean, the poor guy (scratch that- filthy rich guy*****) does enough coke in one session to kill two and a half Mexicans.

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But no one can deny that the guy is smart.  He has a way with words, even if at times he doesn’t actually mean anything or make any sense.

When he speaks, its almost poetic.

I think his quotes will be remembered for years to come.

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I will leave you with my top 5 favorite Charlie Sheen Quotes:

1. “I am on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen (even though he’s a low-life scumbag wife beater) It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

2. “The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.”

3. “Can’t is the cancer of happening.”

4. “I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”

5. “I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.”

Your favorite nutcase,

TheMiserableRanter

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Smack Em Wit A Dick, Smack Em Wit A Dick.

22 Jan

 

HOW TO PISS PEOPLE OFF

  1. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
  2. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
  3. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
  4. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
  5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
  6. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”
  7. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
  8. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with The Prophecy.”
  9. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
  10. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.  (I did this all the time in highschool)
  11. Yell random numbers while someone is counting, it really works.
  12. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
  13. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
  14. Honk and wave to strangers.
  15. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
  16. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
  17. 7yp3 L13k 7h15.
  18. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
  19. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    “DO YOU HEAR THAT?”
    “What?”
    “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
  20. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
  21. Ask people what gender they are.
  22. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  23. Sing along at the opera.
  24. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
  25. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”

I did not write this list, but I did think it was funny. Enjoy!

credit goes to artlung.com

 

*says in thick Italian accent* “You kno, I’ve got a big dick.”

TheMiserableRanter

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