Tag Archives: Politics

The Dysfunctional Weiner

14 Jun
Anthony Weiner at the LGBT Pride parade, New Y...

Image via Wikipedia

Long time no blog, I know.

I just couldn’t pass up discussing the latest news about Congressman Anthony Weiner.

To many, his actions seem indefensible.  To me, understanding this situation is a matter of comparison.

We’ve seen many Federal figureheads resign as a result of sex scandals.  One of the main differences with Weiner is that there is no physical sex involved in the story!

Anyone that becomes a popular media icon ends up being held to unrealistic standard of living. 

I can only imagine what it must feel like to be so Left in a governing body that is so Right Wing.

I am not using stress associated with his job as an excuse to justify Weiner’s obviously irresponsible actions- However, pleading for this man to resign and quit his job is outrageous.

What does taking pictures of yourself and sending them to women have to do with his stance on healthcare and the federal budget?

Weiner works nonstop, and never quits prematurely.  He has always been regarded by the Left as rock solid, never going astray from his political stances.

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Just a thought:

The Left is dismissing Weiner as the stain on the “blue dress” of the democratic party and calling for his resignation.

As if  the Left wasn’t already popular as being “blue dress” wearing sissies, now they are running away from defending one of their most effective spokespeople.

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I hope that Congressman Weiner does not resign, because he has a proven record of fighting for the people he represents…the penises that comprise America as we know it.

Everyone is a little bit of a dick, which is why this Congressman is America’s favorite Weiner.

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TheMiserableRanter

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Emergency Candles Are For Pussies.

20 Feb

First of all, if you do not own a flashlight by now, you fail.

When the lights suddenly go off, almost always temporarily due to weather, is that really a “state of emergency”?

I mean, damn- The word “emergency” has really become watered down hasn’t it?

It’s not like Godzilla has already shish-kebab‘d a couple of hunred of your neighbors or anything-

That would be an emergency.

…I guess if you’ve got a couple of hundred “neighbors” you’d probably be living in a city as opposed to a farm somewhere in the Mid-West.

Godzilla in a major city, a huge problem; Godzilla wreaking havoc on acres of corn-stalks is no emergency.

But seriously, using “Emergency” to describe a use for candles is a bit strange…. I get it, people who don’t even need candles will buy them to be ready for that rare and improbable  emergency lurking around the corner.

“Emergency” is vague in this context.

What if your dog drove your car into the local pizzeria?

That is clearly an emergency, but are the candles really imperative?  I suppose as punishment you can pour hot candle wax onto your pooch’s eyeball, but that is hardly necessary.

They should rename these candle’s specifically to “Candles To Use When The Lights Go Out”  or better yet, “Candles For Pussies Who Are Scared Of The Dark”- in order for avoid any misunderstanding.

But those titles were too long, hmmmm how can we shorten them up?….

“Candles For Pussies In The Dark”

“Candles For Dark Pussies”

err…wait a sec..

“Candles For Pussies” works right?  But then who wants to be called a “pussy”?

How about, “Candles For Cocks”?  That’s no better is it…?

Give me some time, I’ll work on it.

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Let’s not forget about the lightning bolt in the corner of the box which clearly serves to remind us that lightning is out to get us, and we need to be ready when it does.

Pshhhh yeah right,

maybe if “lightning” = Chuck Norris ;

but then how would candles help?!?!

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But the word “Emergency” really does seem to work.  We hear the word everywhere, from news media, to government officials, to candles; emergencies have really become a part of our culture- They make great selling points, for ideas and products alike.

Emergence…+y…. EMERGEN- C!

OMG, I just thought of the best sugarized soft drink for kids.. its called Emergen-C.

Wait nevermind, I Google‘d it and apparently there is a vitamin drink called “Emergen-C”, epic fail.

At least my failure supports my original statement that “Emergency” sells.

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But “emergency” does have the word “emergence” in it, which actually means nothing to me.

All I know is that the word used to actually mean something. Wtf.

I declare the lackluster contemporary meaning of the word “Emergency” an official State of Emergency.

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Leave a comment if you believe the word “emergency” needs to make a comeback.

Also, don’t forget to check out my Facebook Fan page on the top right side of this blog.

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Only YOU Can Prevent Forest Fires,

TheMiserableRanter

BREAKING NEWS: Sarah Palin gets “spudnutted” on by Cenk Ugyur

1 Feb

I was going to write a whole blog post on this new Sarah Palin moronicism (not a word, I know), but then decided that this clip pretty much says all that there needs to be said.

Now that you’ve seen this clip I’d like to add a few things that don’t need to be said.


1. Why do I feel that Sarah Palin’s career will ultimately lead her into porn?

2. Next thing you know, Palin will begin referring to the phrase Spudnutted on her face,” as Blood Libel.

and last but not least,

3.

The US Constitution Preamble:

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Sarah Palin’s Real Americans Constitution Preamble:

We the People, of the Real Americas, in order for form a more sad international image, establish deregulation of all guns, insure domestic terrorism, provide tax breaks for billionaires, generally never promote those on Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to Christians and our lobbyists, do or die and establish the largest deficit in American history because of my insane version of the Constitution of the United States of America.

All hail the comic relief of American news media/politics, Sarah Palin.

And while you’re on your knees hailing, blow me.

TheMiserableRanter

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