Tag Archives: Japan

And so he rode..to the land of the Virgins…

13 Mar

Seriously though, moose are such spoiled arrogant animals… I mean, imagine being BORN with a CROWN ATTACHED to your scalp. Wtf.

What a goofy-ass animal, really.

If you also think moose are goofy as hell, make sure to leave a comment.

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…and the “land of the Virgins” is not the Anime club, OR Pax East.

However, I did spend the last 3 days in Virginia.  Yes Virginia, home of the horrendous Virginia Tech shooting and the largest flagship Whole Foods market you’ve ever seen.

You can’t choose what you want to eat…there are like 8 different feeding stations: sushi, fried fish, ribs, chicken, soups, salads, and it’s also a general market.

This was my first time in the state of Virginia…and my antennae were honed into any possible “southern hospitality” that I may experience while in the Virgin capital.

It’s crazy though, my first night here, squirrels took me out bar hopping.

The nature aspect of Virginia is beautiful though, any given area of woods may  have dozens or more kinds of trees and animals.  They have foxes there; Scary shit, I know.

As I write this, I am trying to figure out what graphic to use and the only thing that is entering my demented New York mind is an image of a moose.

Are there even moose in Virginia? Probably not, only in Alaska

Oh well, same thing.

OK, its not the same thing… but if you think I’m an asshole then you’re an even bigger one for actually reading this.

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So this tsunami and earthquake hit Japan in case you live under a rock and haven’t heard about this yet.  It was a cataclysmic 8.9 on the Richter Scale.  All you have to know is that is not good.

I have a friend in Japan…he is alright, but one of his friends has completely fallen out of touch since the disaster.

The scariest thing is that despite how many of these types of natural disasters we hear about, no one can really prepare that much better.

Imagine, an earthquake basically destroys everything you have, then you have the ocean hitting you with 25 ft storm surges.

Yes, that means you wouldn’t have time to save your PS3, or your computer, you moron.

No you don’t have time to grab your DS before you run for the tallest mountain in your country.

Stay safe my invisible internet friends,

TheMiserableRanter

Top 10 Sex Positions- Twisted Edition. + Tokyo Breakfast (Classic)

21 Jan

This is a classic

Words to live by:  “If nigguh no go to skewel, nigguh no get a job. If nigguh no get a job, nigguh no make no munny.  If nigguh no make no munny, nigguh cannot afford B M W 7 SERIES NIGGGAAAAAHH!!!”

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“You can’t ever boost a girls confidence, they’ll find a way to screw you in the ass afterwards.”  What kind of evil genius would say such a thing?  Oh yeah, my cousin.

He went onto say “I’m sure Albert Einstein would agree with me- how do you think that loser got married? He really fucked with the girl’s head.  Either that or she was kicked in the head by a horse as a baby.”

Wow.

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A brilliant 6 year old once said-

“I PUT THE WHOLE WORLD IN MY ASS.”

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I really can’t believe how well it works, but spamming “FREE PENIS ENLARGEMENT PILLS” really works. Pretty funny.

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Top 10 list of sex positions.

1.  Shiza German. (Yeah, its backwards. It’s a reverse German Shiza.  Yep. Meaningless.)

2.  Legendary Doggy Style. It’s Legendary.

3.  Superman That Hoe. (Yes, that’s “Hoe” with an “e”)

4.  Stick It In Her Ear ‘Till She’s Deaf. (Self Explanatory)

5.  Two Cups, One Girl. (Think about it)

6.  Dragon Ball Z. (Kamehameha all over her face)

7.  Borat Style. (Plow her from behind whilst she plows your farm with a plow-Meanwhile you yell “WAH WAH WEE WAH!”)

8.  Lord of the Rings.

9.  The Dick Cheney. (Classic missionary whilst eating a fetus)

10.  2012. (It’s like 69, except it’s your last chance)

I’m gonna go take a Mexican shower. Bye bye.

TheMiserableRanter

PS. EXPLOSIONS ‘N IMPLOSIONS YAY.

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