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So, Charlie Sheen Has Lost His Mind…WIN!

7 Mar
Charlie Sheen in March 2009

Image via Wikipedia

He really has lost touch.

You should all watch/listen to this:

Today, Charlie Sheen was finally let go from the hit show Two and a Half Men.

It’s a great show, and I hope they do not try to replace Sheen because it will not work.

But how messed up is Sheen really?

To me, the ultimate test if Sheen is still sane is: if he refers to his terminated contract for Two and a Half Men as a “win“.

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Doesn’t he look kind of like Beavis from Beavis and Butthead though?

Obviously the hair color is different, but aside from that…I’m sure Sheen would admit to being a raging “bunghole” at times…maybe even a “cornholio”.

(All those were legit quotes from Sheen, by the way)

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I mean, the poor guy (scratch that- filthy rich guy*****) does enough coke in one session to kill two and a half Mexicans.

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But no one can deny that the guy is smart.  He has a way with words, even if at times he doesn’t actually mean anything or make any sense.

When he speaks, its almost poetic.

I think his quotes will be remembered for years to come.

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I will leave you with my top 5 favorite Charlie Sheen Quotes:

1. “I am on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen (even though he’s a low-life scumbag wife beater) It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

2. “The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.”

3. “Can’t is the cancer of happening.”

4. “I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”

5. “I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.”

Your favorite nutcase,

TheMiserableRanter

Spider-Man Really Isn’t That Cool Though.

11 Jan

It was the standard yet surreal twenty minutes daily at 1 AM where I stood spaced out in the shower contemplating my lack of self-worth.  As the steaming water ran sharply onto my back, I stood there totally blank, nearly dizzy, allowing my primal autopilot to take over; In a deep meditation, I reflected on my own uselessness.

With my periphery I had caught the movement of a small spider in the corner of the shower stall; The spider remained totally still once it’d touched onto my attention.  A fragment of claustrophobia had crept into my consciousness as the sting from the heat of the water built up onto my neck. I was intimidated by the spider’s poise and consistency as it stood there motionless.

Before I could fully understand what I was doing, I was squeezing toothpaste and shampoo over the spider; I was playing with it.  The spider dodged in small quick spurts, in a minesweeper-like fashion, but at this point I was no longer intimidated.  I was so good at estimating where to squeeze that shampoo bottle so the green ooze would land right on the spider.

Ten minutes later, once I had come to full awareness, I’d realized what I had done.  The spider was drowning, it was shaking.  The spider had spent its last moments in an ocean of turquoise blue Head & Shoulders shampoo.

I’ll admit, the first thing that came to mind was that “at least the spider died smelling nice.”  But I immediately realized how wrong the scene was.

In my most automated state, I could do nothing more than end the life of an innocent creature.  When I grasped the full extent of the events that transpired, I felt profoundly ashamed; I was astounded by my own lack of consideration.

By then the water had gone from a boiling heat, to a lukewarm and borderline uncomfortable temperature.  I was embarrassed, how could I make up for the wrong I had done?  How could I make things right?

The blue corner became a monument to the memory of the spider.  From that day forward, until I unintentionally kicked it down the drain, the spider served as a reminder of my impudence and lack of humility.  I just know that the spider is now at rest in spider heaven.

Love,

TheMiserableRanter

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