Archive | March, 2011

And so he rode..to the land of the Virgins…

13 Mar

Seriously though, moose are such spoiled arrogant animals… I mean, imagine being BORN with a CROWN ATTACHED to your scalp. Wtf.

What a goofy-ass animal, really.

If you also think moose are goofy as hell, make sure to leave a comment.

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…and the “land of the Virgins” is not the Anime club, OR Pax East.

However, I did spend the last 3 days in Virginia.  Yes Virginia, home of the horrendous Virginia Tech shooting and the largest flagship Whole Foods market you’ve ever seen.

You can’t choose what you want to eat…there are like 8 different feeding stations: sushi, fried fish, ribs, chicken, soups, salads, and it’s also a general market.

This was my first time in the state of Virginia…and my antennae were honed into any possible “southern hospitality” that I may experience while in the Virgin capital.

It’s crazy though, my first night here, squirrels took me out bar hopping.

The nature aspect of Virginia is beautiful though, any given area of woods may  have dozens or more kinds of trees and animals.  They have foxes there; Scary shit, I know.

As I write this, I am trying to figure out what graphic to use and the only thing that is entering my demented New York mind is an image of a moose.

Are there even moose in Virginia? Probably not, only in Alaska

Oh well, same thing.

OK, its not the same thing… but if you think I’m an asshole then you’re an even bigger one for actually reading this.

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So this tsunami and earthquake hit Japan in case you live under a rock and haven’t heard about this yet.  It was a cataclysmic 8.9 on the Richter Scale.  All you have to know is that is not good.

I have a friend in Japan…he is alright, but one of his friends has completely fallen out of touch since the disaster.

The scariest thing is that despite how many of these types of natural disasters we hear about, no one can really prepare that much better.

Imagine, an earthquake basically destroys everything you have, then you have the ocean hitting you with 25 ft storm surges.

Yes, that means you wouldn’t have time to save your PS3, or your computer, you moron.

No you don’t have time to grab your DS before you run for the tallest mountain in your country.

Stay safe my invisible internet friends,

TheMiserableRanter

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So, Charlie Sheen Has Lost His Mind…WIN!

7 Mar
Charlie Sheen in March 2009

Image via Wikipedia

He really has lost touch.

You should all watch/listen to this:

Today, Charlie Sheen was finally let go from the hit show Two and a Half Men.

It’s a great show, and I hope they do not try to replace Sheen because it will not work.

But how messed up is Sheen really?

To me, the ultimate test if Sheen is still sane is: if he refers to his terminated contract for Two and a Half Men as a “win“.

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Doesn’t he look kind of like Beavis from Beavis and Butthead though?

Obviously the hair color is different, but aside from that…I’m sure Sheen would admit to being a raging “bunghole” at times…maybe even a “cornholio”.

(All those were legit quotes from Sheen, by the way)

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I mean, the poor guy (scratch that- filthy rich guy*****) does enough coke in one session to kill two and a half Mexicans.

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But no one can deny that the guy is smart.  He has a way with words, even if at times he doesn’t actually mean anything or make any sense.

When he speaks, its almost poetic.

I think his quotes will be remembered for years to come.

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I will leave you with my top 5 favorite Charlie Sheen Quotes:

1. “I am on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen (even though he’s a low-life scumbag wife beater) It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

2. “The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.”

3. “Can’t is the cancer of happening.”

4. “I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”

5. “I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.”

Your favorite nutcase,

TheMiserableRanter

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