Smack Em Wit A Dick, Smack Em Wit A Dick.

22 Jan

 

HOW TO PISS PEOPLE OFF

  1. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
  2. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
  3. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
  4. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
  5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
  6. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”
  7. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
  8. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with The Prophecy.”
  9. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
  10. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.  (I did this all the time in highschool)
  11. Yell random numbers while someone is counting, it really works.
  12. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
  13. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
  14. Honk and wave to strangers.
  15. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
  16. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
  17. 7yp3 L13k 7h15.
  18. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
  19. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    “DO YOU HEAR THAT?”
    “What?”
    “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
  20. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
  21. Ask people what gender they are.
  22. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  23. Sing along at the opera.
  24. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
  25. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”

I did not write this list, but I did think it was funny. Enjoy!

credit goes to artlung.com

 

*says in thick Italian accent* “You kno, I’ve got a big dick.”

TheMiserableRanter

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3 Responses to “Smack Em Wit A Dick, Smack Em Wit A Dick.”

  1. Sapphire Black January 27, 2011 at 9:57 pm #

    niccceeee! how many of these have you done? i think i’ve done a few. too bad you can’t do the classic “how to get kicked out of wal-mart” list anymore, cause that stores not cool and ghetto like it used to be.

  2. pozycjonowanie stron February 1, 2011 at 5:15 pm #

    Finaly i found what i wanted.

  3. themiserableranter February 13, 2011 at 11:38 pm #

    Yay, I’m glad I could deliver! And I will continue to do so!

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