BREAKING NEWS: WOMEN FALLS INTO FOUNTAIN AND SUES MALL (ANALYSIS)

22 Jan

Link to the article below:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/01/20/earlyshow/main7265096.shtml

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The security guard who took this video was later fired:

Aww look at how nicely they try to play it off like this could happen to anyone.

I’d dare those newscasters to take a poll and find out how many people during their lifetimea will fall into a fountain while texting.

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A woman in Pennsylvania, Cathy Cruz Marrero, was texting her friend while walking through a mall.. and fell into a fountain-  You know, those fountains that people throw coins into and make a wish.

The reason for it happening is questionable.

There are two possibilities here.

1.  She fell victim to the statistic of people blundering whilst texting. Whether it be while driving, walking, or autofellating, its obvious that texting consumes much of our cognitive resources.

2.  Someone who really hates this woman deliberately placed a fountain along her path.  In that case, the texting buddy is probably the culprit here..its suspicious that this conversation happened right as she passed the fountain.

All joking aside though, the scenario actually gets more interesting.

The woman in the video came forward and admitted to this pathetic event.

You may be wondering, “The video is such poor quality, why would this woman come out and proclaim her own stupidity?”

That is a perfectly reasonable question, and the answer is simple.  She’s looking for money.

The first video interview below:  Skip to 36 seconds to hear her.

Oh, she really touched my heart when she mentioned “church”.  What an innocent soul.

But wait? Ms. Marrero, are you really going to sue the mall?  You are?

Below is a video of Marrero with her lawyer. Probably one of the most pathetic interviews of all time.

 

She said it “could happen to anyone,” and then went on to say that she could of been hit by a bus,car, or truck.

A bus?..are there buses, cars, and trucks regularly driving through the mall?  You’ve got no case woman.

“Not one single person came to my aid.”

So you’re suing the mall because you expected a lap-dance after falling into the fountain?

Watch- Now the mall worker training program will implement a course in how to aid someone who has fallen into a fountain. Very sad indeed.


And the plot thickens,

A day later, we find out about this woman’s past- Her true colors come to light.

Turns out she has had numerous counts of shoplifting charges.

She was also accused in 2009 of using a coworker’s credit card to make thousands of dollars’ worth of purchases.

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I’m sorry Cathy, but you just keep making mistake after mistake.

Don’t sue the mall with that kind of dirt behind you…

You’ll forever be remembered as the biggest fail on the interwebs…is that really what you want?

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But she’s not just a fail on the interwebs, it turns out that she actually works IN THE MALL.

EPIC FACE PALM.

Its not like she was unfamiliar with her surroundings or anything.

Unforgivable.

Its the equivalent of someone walking headfirst into a walrus’s mouth. Like this.


Wait until FailBlog.org, RayWilliamJohnson, and Tosh.0 get their hands on this.


May I suggest gene therapy?  Yeah, the painful kind.

Good luck with your lawsuit, Cathy.


May the force be with you.


TheMiserableRanter

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2 Responses to “BREAKING NEWS: WOMEN FALLS INTO FOUNTAIN AND SUES MALL (ANALYSIS)”

  1. Abby January 22, 2011 at 6:20 pm #

    This is HILARIOUS. Suing the mall because you weren’t looking where you were going? Wow.

  2. themiserableranter February 13, 2011 at 11:46 pm #

    Yes, she is quite the imbecile. Thanks for visiting! Hope you’ll come back =)

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