Bally’s Gives Bloody Orgasms.

20 Jan

Bally’s? More like,

For the last month or so I have been a regular member of the Bally’s Total Fitness gym.

Bally‘s is definitely a gym for the masses.

Everything is fucking disgusting.  From the machines, to the bathrooms…don’t even get me started on the bathrooms.  Too late- it’s a done deal, you’re going to hear about the bathrooms at Bally’s.

We all assume that normal people don’t generally go #2 in public places, unless its really necessary.  #2 is off limits, but #1? Bring it on.

Up until my experience with Bally’s, I was a proud recipient of the prestigious “Will Piss In Any Public Bathroom” plaque.  Bally’s has defiled my honor.

The bathrooms are so disgusting that I refuse to piss there.

And so the story goes…

I was on my way to the urinal because I had finished my workout and didn’t want to wait until I got home.

I walk past the disgusting naked old men in the locker room, I was ready to clear my bladder.

Deafened by the grunts of the Neanderthals behind me, I was right about to whip my c**k out.

Why the asterix? Good question.  And so we move on.


At this point, I notice that the flushing handle of the urinal was wet, and smelled like a diseased foot.

I stood there with my hand in my pants for about 5 seconds contemplating whether or not I would subject myself to the possibility of catching this fucking more rancid strain of the bubonic plague.

Upon realizing how close my face would have to get to the wet urinal handle in order to achieve proper pissing position, I put my cock back in my pants and ran.

I ran hard, I ran fast.

I had to get out of there.  Bally’s had scarred me for life.

Never again.

Fuck You, Bally’s.


I will defenestrate you,

TheMiserableRanter

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5 Responses to “Bally’s Gives Bloody Orgasms.”

  1. Sapphire Black January 27, 2011 at 10:02 pm #

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  4. themiserableranter February 13, 2011 at 11:40 pm #

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  5. themiserableranter February 13, 2011 at 11:45 pm #

    Thank you for your kind words. I am still trying to figure out what my “approach to writing” even is. haha. I guess we shall see how it evolves!
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