Cock pasta? Goodness gracious.

17 Dec

Cock pasta…didn’t Julia Child write that recipe..?

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

So we’re nipple-deep into the “holiday season”..Thanksgiving has passed…Hannukah has passed…and Christmas is on the way.  I am sure you’re all looking forward to it.

Look, people need to shut the fuck up about Christmas, it is just too much.  Too much fucking talk about Christmas. Calm down.

ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER

Personally, I think Santa is way cooler than Jesus (get it? cooler? lame).


I think that we should all aspire to be more like Santa, a fat bearded old man (like really fucking old) who gets off his lazy ass 1 day out of 365 to do some good for the world.

I empathize strongly with Santa, I feel like I understand his dilemma.

He is a sick twisted fuck who spends the other 364 days of the year jerking off into the  faces of the poor elves that run his toy factory-

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that Santa’s greatest influence is Chuck Norris.

Not only do they both have kickass beards, they also share many political viewpoints.

One of them is the legalization of slavery.


The toys are all made in China mind you.

In fact,

I’d bet you my dead great grandmother’s tits that Santa’s house is actually in China.


Yeah..and all those red clothes you ask?  Obviously Santa is a communist.

He basically runs his own mini dictatorship.

Don’t get my wrong, Santa isn’t Chinese- Nope, he is definitely a white man.

But the elves- the elves are definitely Chinese.

Some would say Santa is a racist; I tend to agree.  I mean, its pretty obvious that Santa has favorites.

Christmas is bigger in the US than ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD. That is definitely not by accident. With Santa, nothing is an accident.

Notice that the word Christmas backwards is “Samtsirhc” -If you rearrange the letters properly, it should mean nothing.

But seriously, Sam T Sir HC is a secret code.  Sam T Sir is actually a reference to Sir Samuel Thomas- Santa’s legal name.  HC? Stands for High-C, his favorite drink (he enjoys the red flavor).

Soon Santa, everyone’s favorite huggable fat fuck, will be navigating the skies once more in an attempt to be useful in some way.

Keep an eye out for UFOs.


Bite My Ass,


TheMiserableRanter


PS.  I hope this blog post didn’t cause any brain aneurysms-

If I did, let me know;  Especially if you died as a result.

If you’re dead and reading this, then send me a postcard or something. Thanks.

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5 Responses to “Cock pasta? Goodness gracious.”

  1. Lady Om Nom December 17, 2010 at 5:19 am #

    Godammit Joe.Goddamit. This made me lol.

  2. Anonymous December 17, 2010 at 9:41 am #

    I think that we should all aspire to be more like Santa, a fat bearded old man (like really fucking old) who gets off his lazy ass 1 day out of 365 to do some good for the world.

  3. Sapphire Black December 29, 2010 at 6:48 pm #

    ” Obviously Santa is a communist.

    He basically runs his own mini dictatorship”

    that made me smile! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    if PEOPLE RAN COMMUNISIM THE WAY IT’S CREATOR ORIGINALLY INTENDED it to be then we wouldn’t have dictatorships. i’m serious. don’t get me started ranting.

  4. Sapphire Black January 12, 2011 at 1:35 am #

    dude why have you closed comments on every other recent blog post (that are interesting!)

    not cool

  5. themiserableranter January 12, 2011 at 1:35 am #

    I DID!??! WTF?!

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